Is mayonnaise an instrument? Researchers just gave us an answer

Since Patrick Star first posed it to Squidward Tentacles, the internet hasn’t been able to get the question, “Is mayonnaise an instrument?” out of its collective head. Luckily, experts have finally stepped in to give us an answer. Those experts include Hellmann’s, the world’s biggest mayo brand, and researchers at Northumbria University, led by Dr. Rachael Durkin, its Head of Global Music Technologies, who employed fields like acoustics, musicology, and organology—the study of musical instruments—to put the question to rest. Their inquiry takes inspiration from one of SpongeBob SquarePants’s most beloved early episodes, “Band Geeks.” In a much-memed scene, curmudgeon Squidward polls a room to see if anyone has experience playing a musical instrument. When Patrick raises his hand to ask if mayo counts, Squidward immediately shuts him down: “No, Patrick,” he says, “mayonnaise is not an instrument.” But 25 years later, Durkin and her team are pushing back against Squidward. They mea